i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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