are you still at the devil's house?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
