A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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