Me too!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
