I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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