Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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