Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
