I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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