my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
