While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
