Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
