Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
