I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
