So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
