even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
