Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
