i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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