Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
