If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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