Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
