Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
