Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
