So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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