i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
