Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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