She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
