Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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