No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
