Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
