There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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