Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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