I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
