just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
