I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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