need another drink. this is the easiest way
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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