did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
