yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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