hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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