I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
