I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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