its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
