I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
