i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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