I'm gonna have a badass scar
vagina is talking i cant
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
