walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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