If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
