winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
