I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
