he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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