in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
