tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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