I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
