We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
